Elevators

el·e·va·tor/ˈeləˌvātər/

Noun:

A platform or compartment housed in a shaft for raising and lowering people or things to different floors or levels. A machine consisting of an endless belt with scoops attached, used typically for raising grain for storage. That is the definition of an elevator in the dictionary but my definition is more along these lines. 1. Scary little lift that I will get stuck in and be there forever. Ok, so lets be honest, I know that I will not be stuck in an elevator FOREVER! But when you are someone like me that has always had terrible anxiety, just 5 minutes in a situation like that can feel like the longest time ever.  Anyways I got a call about a job interview today, somewhere downtown, so the first thing I did was looked it up online to see what floor it was on. I know odd right..but its always the first worry that comes to mind. If you have known me for awhile you know I use to totally hate getting on any elevator at all but now my fear has changed a bit and I am mainly just worried about being on it alone. I mean if I am going to get stuck on one (which DEAR GOD please never let that happen) then I sure as hell better be on there with someone rather than alone. But yeah, this particular job is on the 8th floor so I am immediately terrified to call back because what if the stairs are locked and I have to get on the elevator myself? Seems unlikely but even the 5% chance that it might happen is too much for me! And to be honest there have been several interviews that I have not gone to because it was on the 9th or 13th floor and their stairs were locked so I couldn't take them up! I know people deal with all kinds phobias, I am definitely not the only one. Some are afraid of spiders, snakes, or heights (as I am also afraid of heights AND flying) The one thing I do know is that we can't really control our phobias. People say i just need to try harder but that doesn't really help if I am being honest. And I have read rituals or things to keep you occupied on elevators but it is still there and it still terrifies me. I pray to God that I won't get stuck and most of the time I know he will get me through but I am also terrified of the time he decides to test me and show me I can handle it. Because I don't think I want to find out if I can handle it or not lol. I just hope that one day I will be back to that little 5 year old girl who loved to ride the elevator to different floors all day long without any care in the world. I have no idea why I ever became afraid of them but in the future I can only hope I can get past letting it hinder me in anyway. And to anyone else with a hindering phobia I hope you can do the same!!